The Prayer Thread is a collection of teachings and practical prompts to help as we learn to pray in community. This text was originally delivered on August 3rd, 2022 as a short teaching at our online weekly prayer sit.
During periods of quiet, still prayer, I realize how much tension I hold in my body. My chest leans forward, so I pull myself back onto my sit bones. My belly slouches, so I straighten my spine. My fingers fall asleep, so I shake them to wake them up. My head tilts to the side, so I center it back on my shoulders. My face muscles are set in stone, so I scrunch up my nose and lips to break up the strain.
And these are only the physical manifestations of tension! How much more so are the acrobatics of my mind, my affect, and my will. For some mysterious and grace-filled reason, my intention to be quiet and still in the presence of God provokes all the manifestations of tension I am holding. One by one, I greet them and then let them be on their way.
Oh! How my mind enjoys conjuring up a list of all that I still need to do today and tomorrow. And my affect recalls all that I did not do well and sheds some guilt and shame and worry for good measure. And my will, yes, my will-full self, reminds me of all my dreams and plans and visions not yet attained, and it lets out a deep sigh of incomplete anguish.
In the end, and over and over again it seems, the best I can do when I am so full of tension in prayer is to present each small tension with a sacred intention: to be received in, as I am, and to be sent out, to become what I can be.
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